the lost man chronicles
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other wise

i lie, i cheat.

and ultimately, i believe i have been honest with myself.

otherwise, it would be almost impossible to be happy.

if we were always placating or appeasing or appealing to the vanity, values and vacuuming needs of others we might never be satisfied ourselves.

ironically, civility itself is a benevolent form of lying. for it is usually far better to be polite, than to fight or spite with the reckless expression of one's true feelings.

the irony abounds when one observes that the natural deterioration of such deference and respect is also the bane of intimacy. for as we get "closer" to someone, we also feel freer to say what's immediately on our minds, rather than what was once in our hearts. which is why relationships are torn apart by so-called honesty (i.e. courtesy gone bad).

honestly though, we always have a choice to choose not only a softer voice, but also to discriminate what we share with someone. and if we sincerely love him, we will not choose to share everything. because to keep love afloat, not only should one maintain an allure, a mystery that keeps him intrigued, but one also needs to shore up her individual integrity by keeping a little bit to herself. otherwise, you're liable to fall victim to the foolish notion that two people can become one.

certainly, it is fun and enthrallingly romantic to frantically pursue such an elusive union while courting and in the throes of new love, but when it comes to commitment and a reality which suddenly involves the expectations of others—forget it—dispel all such sentimental delusions of visceral unity—immediately, should you care for your promise to bear fruit, thrive, if not merely survive.

believe me.

ultimately, i do not consciously desire to deceive anyone, but i am also not foolish enough to readily concede that the perceptions of others are always right for me.

for most people cannot truly see, or even think, for themselves, and are otherwise compelled to obstinately impose old rules and regulations, simply because it makes life easier to resign oneself to "normalcy." being too lazy to sort things out for himself each and every time, also means one is inclined to perpetuate the lie—that it's truly not all relative, and that each and every situation and person is not wholly unique.

no, accepting reality as such would just be too trying for too many people. which is why when we simply accept the opinions of others without a thought otherwise

we all lie, and we all cheat—

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