the lost man chronicles
99. losing the lost man
"The passive form of the symbiotic union is that of submission, or if we use a clinical term, of masochism. The masochistic person escapes from the unbearable feeling of isolation and separateness by making himself part and parcel of another person who directs him, guides him, protects him; who is his life and his oxygen, as it were. The power of the one to whom one submits is inflated, may he be a person or a god; he is everything, I am nothing, except inasmuch as I am part of him. As a part, I am a part of greatness, of power, of certainty. The masochistic person does not have to make decisions, does not have to take any risks; he is never alone—but he is not independent; he has no integrity; he is not yet fully born."
~ The Art of Loving, Erich Fromm
perhaps, because i am here and i am becoming not of closure, but of opening.
to open eyes, to realize, to hypnotize for a moment and then release so that turned about in her entranced state she might awake to a new world—even if she had not moved but a stationary 180 degrees. to enlighten, to lighten, to levitate, to free.
sometimes you see the human side of sensitivity encroaching and you know it is time to move on. not as a slight, far from, but as a greater gesture of respect. "you don't want me as a predilection, for my affection is tainted by the direction of the self." i may shimmer and i may shine, but ultimately the greatest radiance one will find glows from inside one's self.
it is not easy to implement such discipline, because you not only know every one is the same, but that every woman is an insane, whole and wonderful world onto herself. knowing this you are inclined to indulge more often than is socially plausible, to explore, to know more—to nurture intimacy.
henceforth, knowing that it is best not to allow sanity to settle in—the routine, the not so miraculous predictions, and the stifling expectations that stymie original expression and existential creativity— you decide upon a whim, it is best to let go.
"it is of time and becoming that the best parables should speak: let them be a praise and a justification of all impermanence."
~ Thus Spoke Zarathustra, Friedrich Nietzsche
for her eyes are open now, and somehow you know that it is better that she does not continue to see all the glory, the magnificence, the wonder through those which are not hers.
the blur of one's own myopia always provides greater insight into one self then the clarity of any magi's, mago's or muse's vision.
"You say you believe in Zarathustra?
But what matters Zarathustra?
You are my believers – but what matter all believers?
You had not yet sought yourselves: and you found me.
Thus do all believers; therefore all faith amounts to so little.
Now I bid you lose me and find yourselves;
and only when you have all denied me will I return to you."
~ Thus Spoke Zarathustra
wandering toward awe .98 coming full circle