the lost man chronicles
25. humility

Is it truly possible to be purely humble? Infants or the mentally retarded may barely be the only ones that actually remain as such, at least for a while until we defile them with first pronouns, so-called independence, and a desire for anything outside themselves.

Speaking of which, masturbation, which for some inane reason is widely-perceived as humiliating, is perhaps that certain satisfying act that makes us all quite humble again. Think about it. When have you ever not felt desire and urgency and anxiety suddenly disperse thereafter? Heavens, I'll bet you were even suddenly whet to be free and appreciate the self-deprecating laughter that your ego released.

Ah, alas, it was not long before you returned to the world again, and were compelled to assert yourself in one proud, greedy or righteous way or another.

Thus, otherwise, it seems that there really is no such state of being that achieves this splurge of humility. For the forfeiture of the self would be the likewise acceptance that life is inherently meaningless. In contrast, we quite naturally are apt to stamp ourselves in the company of others whether by vain recognition, accomplishment, imparted discovery, a sense of purpose, or simply "relationships." All of these phenomena are conscientious acts striving to make our ephemeral existence smell, swell and dwell upon the semblance of significance.

So, when people claim to be humble, you have every right not to believe them.

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