Lorenzo's Alternative Resume

As i age i have more i want more and need less. nascent didactic money-maker by trade, first-born wordsmith at play. my deficit of memory breeds creativity. can eat six strips of bacon and not feel guilty. still have to dig out at least one bit of shell from the yolk. after four years the stove is still white. my trek home is occasionally broken by storefront bird watching. have learned a roommate's unwashed dishes are not intolerable, they're charming. from white bread to university bred and well read, to tin trays and silver spoons, and of knowing little to knowing less. still struggle to be honest without injury, sensitivity never being my forté. looks count, winning is something, money buys love and sappiness. brevity is the soul of wit, and surprise is its essence. always stand behind the orange line on the platform and look both ways before crossing. angst and anger build with each thoughtless toss of waste. only chew half a stick of gum at a time. chrome and silver soothe me. if there was no sun I would always wear black. liable to change my name once a decade. feel fortunate to be a legend in my own mind. find the worst in a few, the best in many and the mediocre in most. can find treasure in thrift, the new in the old and the old in the new. once ran away from home by climbing on my rooftop. accompanied a blind Russian for a marathon. faith: believing is seeing. vision makes up for what memory lacks. partial to the extremes, fearful of the middle. likely to be whisked away by the charm of wind-swept chimes. can say hello in four languages, good evening in five, good night in six and good morning in seven. hold a special affinity with Curious George, a truly cool monkey. my screensaver says "blah, blah, blah, blah....something intellectual to show how smart and witty I am...blah, blah, blah." i know who said "...you know, maybe it's me, I'm a little ...... up, maybe. But, I'm funny, how? I mean, funny like I'm a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh. I'm here to ....... amuse you. What do you mean funny? Funny, how? How am I funny?" my acquired tastes cross generations. giving trees bestow shells and silver. hometown favorite haunt, original joe's. proud 2 not know who won the Stanley Cup, World Series, and the Superbowl. resigned to never be an armchair athlete. seen only one episode of Seinfeld, it was on an airplane; absolute only time i've seen George Clooney act was in a movie; couldn't name one friend on Friends; and David Hasselhoff is a singing sensation in Germany. the black is tied not clipped, tips have wings, cuffs are French, and all breasts single. hip without the hop. choose classic over contemporary. can convey disbelief, device, a ruse, cunning and mischief with a furrow, a squint, a lift, a smirk, or a smile. seducing, swaying, swooned: bacall, davis, dukakis (eating), gardner, hayworth, lake, lewis, sarandon, and turner/deniro, dillon, ford, gable, gere, grant, hopper, martin, mitchum, pitt, and rourke (early on not of late). accentuating a connoisseur’s repast: sapphire to disarm, cabernet to complement, courvousier to crown, meglia d'oro to whet and lindt extra fine to soothe. guinness is GOOD for you and altoids are curiously STRONG.

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