i lost a girl once.
once, i lost a girl, and ever since then i have been around the world—looking for her. in other faces, in lonely places, wandering, wondering—where might she be?
hopelessly, i ponder my bitter-sweet fate, haplessly believing it is not too late to find her.
along the way there have been other loves—others lusts, other bonds of ephemeral and eternal trust; but none of them were ever her; none of them ever were, nor ever will be the mythical, magical, innocent beauty of my first love.
for i have learned, all of them will always be first loves, and all of them will be lost at the cost of others and this brutal, merciless reality, unforgiving society, and the hubris of my brutal ego.
it is only fantasy that makes me believe that i might some day find this beautiful avatar, the radiant goddess, the ideal other that so far has eluded my sincerest supplications and searching.
thus, until this never-when of my journey, i will take each blessed lover i come upon and appreciate her for all she is, all she can be, all she allows her self to be with me and on her own.
because, i know alone, each and every woman which graces my path is that lost girl. perhaps, never to be the last girl, but all the while her charms wile my rapt attention—she is the one.
the art of love
l.m