4 AM, Tuesday—and i am now more lost than i ever was.
my alarm went off in the middle-end of a dream in which i was becoming increasingly lost. thinking that around the bend i might find a cue to reorient myself, each turn actually only abetted the confusion. looming red-eyed predators, dark unfamiliar places, seemingly insurmountable slopes, and crack addicts who were once pearly-smiled cheerleaders—cumulatively provoked a growing feeling of perdition.
coincidentally, a few weeks ago i came across a map which over time i increasingly came to believe might provide me with the direction i was looking for—a way out of suburban dread and a less-than overly-exciting life.
this charter was exquisitely rife with detail and revealed more answers as i examined her. i become consciously obsessed with the idea that i actually might travel along her spice routes some day, even if i truly had no clue as to where this mythical-magic land was.
occasionally, just to keep my bearings strait, i reminded myself that this map happened to be on display in a storefront window which was filled with hundreds, if not thousands, of other similar maps. and since i had not been looking to travel on any particular route other than wayward the day i found her, i had to accept that ultimately this map might not orient me in the wrong direction i had hoped for.
moreover, she came with a warning label—"the contents of this guide cannot be authenticated." keeping that in mind, i was inclined to make an effort to verify all that i could over the following few weeks, and as a result i increasingly became enamored until i was irrevocably convinced that i had serendipitously stumbled upon a treasure map!
but not just any kind of treasure map, for it was a treasure map that was surely-solely meant for me to find! oh, how silly we can be when we are desperately seeking…
surely, the psychological journals of pathology must contain a name for this phenomenal folly of exponential delusion.
nonetheless, here i am to confess that suddenly, "poof!" the map disappeared. i should have known, or actually, i did know, but foolishly had not heeded the warnings.
for in addition to the disclaimer, there was a seal atop the clear plastic wrapper that read "touching this map may bring unknown and severe consequences."
certainly, it was a set-up. for what pirate in his surly mind would not imperilly proceed onward? after all, this well-worn map was ornate with the most enticing illustrations: dripping-whet sirens, estrus-inciting full moons, whirling dervishes, and splendidly bejeweled egyptian goddesses—cum—curly-curvy-surly-sassy kittens who purr-sistenly taunted with the insatiable and irresistible meowing of a feline-in-heat.
any true adventurer would also not bother to heed the sign that read "do not cross this path—do not touch the map!"
so, of course, i did. and "poof!" she disappeared.
and now i am more lost than ever.
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