the lost girl chronicles 06: once again (alone)

"Now, no more resonance. Everything is calm, and that is worse. Though justified by an economy—the image dies so that I may live—amorous mourning always has some thing left over: one expression keeps recurring: 'What a shame!'"

~ A Lover's Discourse, Roland Barthes

the lulls of our conversation were no longer enchanting moments of the unknown. no, silence was now more like the exhaust of a car, accompanied with the puttering stops and starts of lingering.

feeling as if i was futilely attempting to be the cure, some hapless elixir to an ailment of my own doing, the hole in my heart gaped wider with each tiring utterance, every phrase of half-ass attention, and all the words of her feigning affection and unspoken promise.

alas, i've realized it is time to shrink and shrivel away.

for here today, i was again hoping, haplessly paddling out into the dark sea of hubris and beauty, where after the echo of the siren's call had long faded, i would find myself once again—alone.

"my heart is drenched in wine
you'll be on my mind forever."
~ Norah Jones

the art of living the art of love

l.m